41. Drive and Thrive. I still find terrestrial radio to be what I desire most when zipping around town. You can dial in several of your city’s local, college, radio stations while on the road. They are the best. The DJs are green as hell. Lots of “um”s and dead air, but I’ll take that over the slick voices of commercial radio any day. The tunes are eclectic and stimulating and it’s commercial free. If you get into it for a considerable time send ’em a donation. You will find them all left of the dial.
90.9 WDCB for the jazzbos
40. It’s marathon week in Chi-town (or the week of chafe if you prefer). If you’ve given into the peer pressure, well then, enjoy your Gu. I personally think marathons are bad for you, but I am but a lowly physical therapist.
Thrive. For non marathon exercise, it’s fun to run through the city. It’s a lovely visual tour of an architecturally epic city. There’s excellent people watching. It’s easy to mark your distance. Eight blocks to a mile. One suggestion for big city jogging. Don’t do it down Michigan Avenue. Don’t do it down State Street. They are teeming with humans that you must constantly dodge. They get annoyed. You get annoyed. One must brake every block for a stoplight. Instead select some nice, long, lesser touristy side streets where you don’t need to interupt your stride.
Side note: Listening to people talk about marathon training ranks right up there with listening to people tell you about the tattoos that they are going to get one day. Or listening to people talk about their fantasy football team. Or listening to people talk about their golf game. (This post has gotten longer than I wanted.)
Go ahead and marathon if you feel like you need to prove something to someone. I wish you luck and I’ll see you in the clinic on Monday. I’m a physical therapist.
2nd side note: Half marathons are perfectly acceptable because my wife do them.
39. Drive. Speed when you’re driving in the express lanes. They are the best thing about the Kennedy and the Dan Ryan.
Especially the Kennedy (I 90). If traffic is light and you have the option of the locals or the express, you best speed if you choose the latter. What’s the point if you’re not going to speed. There’s only 1 spot in that 8 mile stretch where a county mounty can sit and ticket you, but they can be seen from a literal mile away.
Speed if you opt for the express lanes. Otherwise you’re just in the way. You wouldn’t stand in the center of an escalator blocking people that want to walk past you on the left. Who would do that.?
Same thing on the highway. If you’re just going to la de da it down the road then stay in the locals and out of my way. I’ve got shit to do.
38. Thrive: We are nearing that time of year. The sports equinox occurs when the MLB, NFL, NHL and NBA are all underway. Watching pro sports in person is invariably better with more details. Nowadays all teams have an app where you can listen to the radio feed real time on your mobile. Grab a $10 beer then pop in an ear bud and listen to the radio guys explain every detail of the game as you watch it live. You can still socialize with your home boys, but now when something odd happens during the game, say all the umpires meet at the pitchers mound for a 10 minute discussion, you’ll know it was because they found cork in Sammy Sosa’s bat. Everyone around your seat will turn to you for the info. You’ll feel powerful. It almost makes paying $50 to park worth it.
P. S. My wife goes to more pro sporting events than me by a hundredfold.
I just needed to get that off my chest.
37. Drive. Commuting on the expressway through or around downtown during rush hour (which is every hour) can be nauseating. Expressways are very much like flowing rivers with slow pockets and fast-moving channels. These correspond directly to which side cars are entering and exiting the highway from. Move to the lanes that lead to highway exits. Less cars mean faster speeds. Avoid the side of the highway that has entrance ramps. More cars equals….. you get the point. The difference in how quickly you zip through traffic can be drastic. That stretch of exits and entrances can go on for several miles and then unexpectedly flip sides. Know where those changes occur and move to that side accordingly.
36.5. Drive. Let’s make today a two-fer. This will also be the first time I’ve revisited a previous post. This one harkens back to Month 1 of this blog and I feel like none of you are listening.
THERE IS NO NEED TO EVER SLOW DOWN WHEN DRIVING OVER A SEGMENT OF ROAD AS SEEN ABOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Never ever ever bether nether clever pleather smether heather ever ever.
If I had a nickel for every time I’ve seen a mile long back up because people hit the brakes and creep over a patch like this I would…… fuck off. Just stop doing it please.
36. Drive. And Survive. And Thrive. We were pulling out of a parking lot recently after our ten thousandth little league game and we drove past another family. I watched 2 siblings fighting for the front seat. What started as a verbal argument ended with Homer on Bart style choking. Parents in tears. Human sacrifice. Dogs and cats living together. Mass hysteria.
But you . . . you’re better than that. You’ve figured this out already. Or, maybe you’re one of those families who’s flatulence has no odor and your clones never argue. If that is NOT the case, allow me to help.
Child “A” in the front seat on the way to all destinations. Child “B” in the front seat anytime you are on the way home. Done. That’s it. Doesn’t matter if it’s a one-way trip. Doesn’t matter if you’re dropping one off at an orphanage and he will never ride with you again. “A” in front on the way there. “B” in front on the way back.
Doesn’t matter if the getaway trip takes 5 hours and then we find a worm hole and the return is 6 minutes. “A” on the way there. “B” on the way back.
Accordion your car killing your family? Does not matter. Corpse “A” in front. Corpse “B” in back.
Now, I’m quite aware of the math issues if you own a third child. In that case, keep it simple. The baby stays in back until your oldest stops riding with you. Good to keep her confidence down anyways. Make it up to her in some other way. Let her lead prayers or something
35. Drive. Chi-town is brimming with one-way streets. Busy one-way streets. Populous cities come with loads of crime. This means police chases. Always look in both directions when crossing a one-way street in your vehicle. Peering only in the direction traffic is supposed to be coming from won’t get it done. Drivers fleeing the po po will take any route possible which means all bets are off on one-way streets. They could blow you up in an instant if you’re not looking for them.
34. Drive. There is no standard street width in Chicago. Some side streets are as wide as the Ole Mississip. Others seem to defy the laws of 2 way street physics. Many are so narrow that you and oncoming cars must take turns advancing. You drive a half block then pull over into the gap that leads to the ally. They drive half a block then pull into a gap on there side. Repeat. I have no rules for those types of streets other than just try and be fair. Don’t be the boob that never pulls over and takes his turn waiting. I think as a rule most people are good at this.
This post is more about the side street that is narrow, yet still wide enough to accommodate fluid 2 way traffic at the same time. It is on these streets that I get a bit perturbed. Scientific studies reveals that 9 out of 10 people are so fearful of clipping their right side mirror with that of a parked car that they would rather drive over the midline of the road and risk colliding with an oncoming car.
34. Move as far right as possible on narrow, two-way side streets. Better to rub a parked car than one moving towards you in the opposite direction. Refer to the laws of deceleration.
33. Survive. Don’t mess with police. Common sense for most people, but there are a few of us that have trouble with authority. Growing up in the suburbs this became an issue for me. I thought putting the kibosh on teenage fun was the primary objective of police in the absence of any “real” crime. Maybe. Maybe not. What is certain is that I was irreverent when they appeared.
In an expansive metropolis, however, it’s very different. Police there are perpetually working with real problems, real crime, real morons and issues. Their job is arduous. Their job is scary. They won’t mess with your average citizen unless you are doing something very stupid or really wrong.
So don’t add to their shit pile by being an asshole.
Unless you live in Geneva or some place. In that case, dick away. They are trying to ruin your fun.